Toothless and useless

From high up in the North London sky, I watched with increasing disappointment as the clock ticked down and thoughts of if I should have kept my wallet a little heavier instead of travelling to Wembley stadium on a Tuesday evening increased. I've been to a few miserable England games, but this was one of the most regretful. At least when it was 0-0 at half time to Kazakhstan and I was trying to remember Borat's national anthem we came out in the second half and stuck five past them. This time we just hoofed it up to Peter Crouch and passed it to Adam Johnson in the hope he would do something special. Well the fight that broke out on the row in front of me almost made four hours of driving, a £30 ticket and £10 for a burger and chips worthwhile. As Wembley emptied prematurely in droves, I stuck it out to the final whistle with hope, after seeing last gasp goals from Portman Road to Bramall Lane, but none was forthcoming here.

Where to start after an eerily familiar display? Adam Johnson looked lively but is frustratingly inconsistent, not surprising considering his age. Hopefully he hasn't been labelled as our country's next saviour too soon. With leftie Adam Johnson on the right we were stuck with rightie Ashley Young on the left, who showed pace but a lack of confidence to cross - this tactical mistake slowed down play as the wingers either cut inside or delivered poor crosses. Save for his penalty box dramatics, it wasn't an awful display but hardly an inspiring one either.

In the middle, Steven Gerrard ghosted in and out of the game. He did provide the occasional Hollywood pass that our strikers failed to capitalise on, but nothing of game changing significance. Bit difficult to maraud through a midfield to goal when you have 10 other players blocking your path in a formation that may provide a tactical inspiration for Craig Levein's Scotland. Gareth Barry lacks the discipline to stay back as an anchor, resulting in Gerrard having to be restrained and nullified. Well it could have been worse - Frank Lampard could have been fit.

Left back Ashley Cole hardly bathed himself in glory either in what was a quiet night. On the other side of the pitch, Glen Johnson is becoming more and more of a liability with each game for club and country - if anyone can suggest an English right back whose last name isn't Neville then we may well have a new candidate. Rio Ferdinand looked solid enough at centre half, though it is questionable if he will remain fit to captain the team throughout the campaign. My initial reaction at hearing the name of England's second most expensive defender on the team sheet was to groan, but Joleon Lescott was not as bad as I had expected, and may even be on the way to becoming worth a fraction of his £24 million pricetag. Joe Hart was reliable at the back, though that's not saying much when he didn't have a save to make all evening.

The real problems were upfront. Despite Wayne Rooney's brief resurgence is Basle, he looks a shadow of the player who single handedly carried Manchester United to the brink of success last season after his notorious activities with certain women of the night. A bit of confidence and England would have had three points and more delusions of grandeur - instead we are left wondering why we can't beat a country with a population smaller than Leeds that has only been a footballing nation for four years. The most effort seemed to be in sprinting back to do the sort of atrocious fowl I would do when getting angry with the computer on FIFA 11, and he was fortunate not to receive a red card for that. Peter Crouch did not fare much better - he may be good to panic opposition as an impact substitute, but once they realise he is no better in the air than the average player then his usefulness soon diminishes. Crouch is better with the ball at his feet rather than his head, so it is curious why England persist in hoofing long balls up to him.

As for subsitiutes, there much hardly much shock and awe on the bench. Kevin Davies' wife cried when he received his call up, and she probably wasn't the only one. The rough'n'tumble centre forward soon lived up to his reputation of getting more bookings than goals in six of the last eight seasons, getting a yellow card and not scoring on his debut. I've nothing against the man, but how are we to build for the forward with 33 year olds getting call ups? As for Shaun Wright-Phillips - why? It's a travesty he gets near an England shirt, and would look more comfortable sat on the bench in the Championship. He continued to fall over and ping crosses to nowhere, whit supporters saying 'at least he works hard' - well give me an England shirt and £60k a week and I'll work my socks off, though I'd still be useless.

Perhaps it's time to admit England are a second rate team? Despite hope and expectation we're a long way short of the Spains and Brazils, and our lack of depth was exposed with injuries. A Jermain Defoe and Darren Bent probably would have scored at least one of those chances, John Terry would look more assured than Lescott, and a toddler would do a better job at right back at the moment. But there is no reason to despiar for the Euro 2012 qualifying campaign - England will probably still qualify, even top of the group, and in liklihood will win in Montenegro - can they possibly be that negative in front of their own supporters? Wales are next, and are fast becoming the whipping boys of the group with even more insipid displays than England, and wins in Cardiff and Wembley should be easy enough. We just need a bit more imagination, clinical finishing and strength in posession right now so as not to come unstuck against every five man midfield we come across.

(Picture courtesy of The Daily Mail)